"Must the dog be present?""We're a family now, Subcommander," Archer said emphatically. "Human families include dogs and cats. I thought you understood that."
"Then perhaps we should set out another chair and a dinner plate for Porthos."
T'Pol was getting too good at this, Archer thought. He looked around the table. Hoshi was covering her mouth with a napkin, while Trip and Malcolm were openly smirking.
When Trip leaned over and whispered something into Malcolm's ear, it was just a little too much. "Mr. Tucker, we're a family. And families share."
"Sorry, Capt'n," Trip had the grace to blush.
"Mista' Tucka' was just commenting that ... ah ... that the ..." Malcolm faltered, "centerpiece on the table looks quite exquisite. Thank you, Hoshi."
I'll bet, Archer thought. "Yes," he said, raising his glass of iced-tea. "Thank you, Hoshi. We never knew were such an artist."
Now it was Hoshi's turn to blush. "Thank you, sir," she said brightly. "But it's just a little origami."
"It is quite creative, nonetheless," T'Pol stated, raising her glass of water, as well.
In the awkward silence that followed, Archer drummed his fingers. "The kitchen staff is a little short, today. Chef sprained a finger playing handball." More silence. "Doctor Phlox, how is your patient doing?"
"Fine. Fine. He will be back at his skillet tomorrow. Mmm, tell us a bit more, Captain, about this human conceptualization of ... family."
So it was back to that. When Jonathan Archer first proposed that his senior staff share one meal together each week, he had simply assumed it would be a smooth and normal transition. He forgot to take reality into account.
"Ahem," Archer began, anything but pleased. "In human society ..."
He was interrupted by the kitchen staff bringing in their food — seven large plates of "bangers and mash," with an overflowing bowl of gravy, followed by seven smaller plates of pineapple cake.
"Ah think Malcolm's got himself a girlfriend," were the first words out of Trip's mouth.
Malcolm was the third person in the space of five minutes to turn a soft shade of red. "Wot are you talking about? I've 'ad to eat plenty of catfish around 'ere. In fact, I was thinking the same of you last week."
"Ya mean we got the same girlfriend? Like that would be a first." Trip quickly picked up his iced-tea, as all eyes turned on him. And nearly spilled it when he got a kick in the shin.
"This is unacceptable. I shall have to have a word with the cook," T'Pol began to rise from her chair.
"Relax, Subcommander," Archer reassured. "Your plate is tofu."
"Tofu?"
"You know," Hoshi stepped in to explain, "soybean curd? Trust me — it's vegetarian."
"Really?" Malcolm was intrigued. He had already started in on his sausage, but that didn't stop him from reaching across the table with his knife and fork to slice a tip off of T'Pol's. "Not bad. Not the real thing, though. This," he pointed to his own with the knife, "is like what my Aunt Sherrie used to make for me."
"Would you like to tell us about your Aunt Sherrie?" Archer was not one to miss an opportunity.
"Nothing much to tell."
Is it always going to be like this? Archer's eyes asked Trip's.
What did you expect? A wiggle of eyebrows answered.
"You know, my family has its own recipe for sausage. I'll bet my Aunt Keiko could give your Aunt Sherrie a run for her money."
Malcolm was too busy with the mashed potatoes to answer. So Travis put his own two cents in. "I'll bet your Aunt Keiko has a better recipe for burgers and fries, as well. And for strawberry jello."
He got a playful elbow in the ribs for that, but bravely continued. "That's what I want to see on the menu, someday."
"I'll see what I can do, Travis," the captain said. All I want is a happy crew, he thought. Yes, sir. Just one big, happy family.
"Does this have cheese in it, by the way?" Phlox asked the captain, while pointing at a sausage.
A "yip" came from underneath the table at the word "cheese."
"No. Why do you ask?"
"Your dog seems to think so. He's been sniffing around me since they set my plate down."
"Come here, Porthos," Archer called out. "I've got something for you."
After Porthos had licked Jon's fingers clean of the special treat, Jon returned them to his fork.
"Captain, please," T'Pol seemed a bit peeved.
"What?" Archer asked.
"This is WONderful," Phlox announced. "I think I'm finally beginning to understand FAMILY."